We work ridiculous hours and struggle because travel was always our escape. In 2019 we were in New York and were so jet lagged that we went at. 4 in the morning. It was hot and we held hands; he hates that I do not usually hold his hand. I miss the little moments.
We have now had three failed attempts to organize a wedding. Mark really wants a baby, and I’ve always been like, “Nuh!” But since the pandemic, I have changed. I imagine a little Mark, this shy boy. Mark has taught me everything: I do not know who I would be without him.
FEEL: I had always been attracted to players, but when I saw the picture of Dave, I could see he was a goofball. On our first date, I thought, “Is he pretentious? Is he in this insular, privileged [design] world? And I, who’s the rough thing, can we be compatible? “That was when I crossed the line on politics. In that moment, I realized I had done him wrong: his inability to talk about politics was a fear of looking stupid. I knew I was going to marry him. He was generous, authentic and had a vulnerability that I would not mess with. He was not a player; my biggest fear was that I would lose him. We moved in together six weeks later. Within three months, I was running the studio.
For some of his friends and family, I can be intense – I do not fit into any world, as if I do not come from private school – so it is difficult to place myself. But Dave put me on top of the cake from day one.
I grew up with a single mother who was a heroin addict and had many mental health issues. There was a revolving door of men who were always violent. We stayed in homeless shelters. I remember seeing The little Mermaid, about finding a voice and realizing the power of the film. I wanted to tell stories about my mother and that experience. When I met Dave, he was overwhelmed by work and I had to make a choice: movies or this new future with him. He was still a child, and the studio got all this attention. For the first few years, I felt like I was going to let go of myself, “Am I just an assistant?” But Dave never referred to the studio as his. It was always ours.
We were in Canberra on the day marriage equality was passed in Parliament in 2017 and I would suggest. We rented bikes, but then I went over the handlebars. I broke my arm and we quarreled. I ended up proposing the next day in Melbourne in front of the microwave. Dave just laughed at the ring I gave him; he has since melted it down to make it another.
Dave is the life of the party, but it’s been really hard to talk about emotions, so he sought help. When I wrote that Instagram post, none of my friends knew any of it. To be honest, it was a way of talking about the abuse. It felt liberating, but I still get triggered every day. Even with Dave, on an intimate level, the consequences of it continue. You just find ways to live with it and take advantage of it.
Dave is a marshmallow that never melts. I see this 10-year-old who wanted to whine, get a bike, but there is also a strength to that softness. He’s very loyal and I do not go to the park. For some of his friends and family, I can be intense – I do not fit into any world, as if I do not come from private school – so it is difficult to place myself. But Dave put me on top of the cake from day one.
Our happiest times are at home and watching bad TV: it always is RuPaul’s Drag Race. When Dave can see that I’m used, he gives me a box of TeeVee Snacks. He is my person and I do not feel outside my mother that I have had it. It took me a long time to get David in, but I could see who he was. He feels like I’m giving, but I knew what I was getting, which was happiness.